how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
