I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
