Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
