Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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