the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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