My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
