Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize