apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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