I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
