Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
