i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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