Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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