considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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