I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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