were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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