I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
