textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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