I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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