Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize