Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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