The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
