we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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