Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
