Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
