Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
