hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
