shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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