Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
