If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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