Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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