I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
