What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Too much gin, very little bucket
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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