I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
