We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dignity is for republicans.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
