pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
