how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
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How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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