The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He? As in you personified your dick?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
