the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
