Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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