Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
