So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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