I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
