Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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