so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
