So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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