I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
