he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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