i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
