my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
