Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
3pm strippers are depressing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
