Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
