Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
