There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
