i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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