You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
