I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
