There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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