I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
