It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
