I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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