U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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