Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
