So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
