just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
