Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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