last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
