He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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