Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
