Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
