i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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