I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
