hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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