You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
