omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize