dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
